Life is simple?

Been a long time since I blogged here! After one year of talking about life being difficult, I thought I would contradict myself here. No offense to the late Dr. Scott Peck.

I have this feeling that we make life complicated when its quite simple. Probably we are bombarded by advertisements of people being happy all the time with Phones, LCD TV's, Sound systems, Food processors and washing machines.

Life is perceived to be difficult because we are never satisfied. How many of us are genuinely happy with what we do now, or the phone we use or the boss we have or the car we have?

Most of us want a different model, or admire someone else's wife or girlfriend or their family. I had the chance to interview someone who wanted to come back to Sri Lanka. His point was that the country was going through a good phase and that there was better scope for success now that the war is over.

On the other hand if you speak to a Sri Lankan now, its a different story. The urge to leave the country has not gone away. There are people who have been away from the country for years coming back while the lot stuck here are going to those countries? Its actually amusing since the reasons are the same - greener pastures. So does that mean their problems are solved? Answer is a resounding NO!

Why is this? Day in day out we are not willing to live within our means. We stretch ourselves and get a better car and make a commitment which will mean that we will want a better paying job in a few months which means we need to work harder and spend more time away from families and in the end realise that the family complains too much because we are doing so much for them and yearn for a what? A better understanding spouse and we all know where that ends! So lets say that you find a better spouse. So now you have a better car, a better job and a better spouse. Will this last? Well no!! The cycle starts and very soon you want to build a house since you had to part with your house as part of the divorce settlement and so very soon you are working harder and longer .. do I have to continue?

Well then what do we do?

1. Be grateful for what you have. You may earn 10,000 rupees a month but you are better off than billions of people who are unemployed. Your car may be 10 years old but you HAVE a car! Your phone maybe an older model but hell, can it keep you contactable? You TV might not be LCD but how many hours do you have to sit in front of the LCD anyway? So do you really need it?

2. Be willing to take small steps. Figure out what is important to you. Is it the LCD or the CAR or making sure that your child gets a good education? Prioritize your commitments and plan! Anyone who plans their expenses well can become a millionaire with a bit of effort and sacrifice. Ask anyone who has made money. Did it come easily? No, lots of successful guys have at least 2 or three marriages or have broken families. Why? Since they sacrificed their time with family to pursue their business. If you don't want to be the next Bill Gates then be the Best Dad in the world for your son! Bottom line every bit you focus more on something means that you lose time with another aspect of your life. So when you are single you can focus more on the career and save some money so that you can manage a family.


3. Moderation - Try everything in moderation. Do you really need a big house? What can you manage with? When my doctor told me that my Cholesterol levels are high, this is the thinking pattern I used. What are the foods that I love and what do I eat just because its there? The answer was shocking. There were only a couple of things that I really liked. So I gave up biscuits that I didn't like too much, I gave up ice cream, I gave up fried fish and french fries. What do you think happened? I ended up enjoying the food I liked and my Cholesterol levels came down in a couple of months! Remember there may be so many things that we do simply because we do it simply for the sake of doing it. A lot of it is meaningless and in the end stops you from enjoying life in the long run. So remember, the more emphasis you give to one part of your life, the more you lose from other parts of your life. If you give more emphasis to work, you may lose your health or your family, if you give more emphasis to your family you may lose your job. The truth is that everyday there may be different things you choose to give priority to. I have a list of things and the order changes every day and every moment. You can never have a fixed list of priorities. But you can have a list of things that are important to you in life and mentally rearrange them as you go along. There is hard and fast rule to this. The only litmus test you can do is to get feedback from others. How many people are genuinely happy to be around you? When you go home if you don't get a positive vibe or when you arrive in the office if people do their best to avoid you - start thinking about the way you behave. Most people will never give you direct feedback - they will just ignore you!

4. Life is short. Have a list of things you really like to do and do them!! Who will remember you when you die? Most probably you can narrow down that list to about 5. People forget, so don't try and please everyone. Who remembers George Bush or Carl Lewis? So how would you expect millions to remember you? Its simply not possible and you will end up regretting your life. I am not asking you to stop trying to be the next Obama or Mother Theresa. If you want to do it, remember that you will end up sacrificing a lot of things. This is OK if you are willing to pay the price. Whatever you do, people forget and they are never satisfied. So in the end you will not be happy if you base all your life's work on helping a large group of people.

So in conclusion, life is really simple - we are supposed to eat and procreate :-) Everything is secondary. One saying that comes to mind is from Stephen Covey - Life is all about Living, Loving and Leaving a legacy.

Simple steps

1. Look at your life now. List the things that you are happy about and which is not a big problem for you. Example. do I really need that phone I am busting my guts out for? Or do I really need that car that is making me unhappy everytime I see one on the road?

2. List the things that are important to you and honestly assess how much you are doing them right now? Family - how much time do I give them? Job - do I really work hard for the salary I get? or do I do too much? Health - Am I in good shape or should I improve?

3. List the things that are counterproductive - Do I really need to party every week? or get drunk every week? See how it impacts your life now or even later when your organs give out.

4. Then list of the things you will do for each aspect of your life. Take baby steps. instead of 4 booze nights a month - spend one night in a Gym. Instead of working 5 straight 12 hour days, cut it down to 4. No one will blame you as long as your output it good. Improve your productivity. Practice makes perfect. The more you practice, the better you get at it. Teach someone else what you know. The chances are that when you get the opportunity to move higher up in the ladder, you will have a few people who can take your place. Life is abundant and full of opportunities and sometimes we are blinded by the short term problems we face. Learn something new. A year ago I wanted to learn to cook Indian dishes and now I can make it better than Mango Tree :-). I cook once a week for the whole family. This keeps everyone going. One thing I learnt from cooking is that, you need to be appreciated for what you do and its disappointing when its not appreciated. Let me ask you this, how many times in a day do you use "Thank you" in various settings and appreciate what the people around you do for you? Don't worry, I don't either :-) We are very liberal with criticism but misers about praise. I am not saying to start saying Thank you for everything but appreciation goes a long way. If you want people to consider you an important part of their life, treat them that way!

5. Be down to earth. The other aspect is how often we say sorry and apologize for goofing things up. There is a great reluctance to admit that someone made a mistake. More often than not, most conflicts arise when each person tries to defend their own turf and not give in. I have this wonderful saying on maturity - the ability to listen to another's point of view without trying to defend your own. The next time you get into a conflict, try and stop yourself from defending your point of view and say sorry. See how the other part simply cools down immediately (Well this may not work for about 1% of people :-) ). Bottom line - we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are not clear to us and is clearly visible to others since we are of the firm belief that what we do is always right! Its human nature. How many times can you find mistakes in your own writing. Even this article will have spelling or grammar mistakes. But I can maybe find only a few of them even if I read it 20 times. So all you need to do is be aware that you will make mistakes. Its nearly impossible to live life without making mistakes and therefore don't act like you don't make any :-).

Finally remember, life is just a finite period of time you spend in the human state. I have no idea what comes next but this life is for us to learn as much as we can about what life really is. Its not about the latest phone or the fastest car. In the end, did you learn enough for you to progress to the next stage of our life or do we stick to this never ending misery of wanting more?

Your call!!

Bye for now

Share this with people if you think what I am talking about makes sense :-) If not that's OK too :-P